Tuesday, April 23, 2013

The Spiritual Truth about Ugly Fighting - Part 1 (Practicing the Art of Being Wrong)



Twenty-five years ago, a friend of mine sat me down on a curb and said the ugliest thing she could ever possibly say to me. At least, that’s how I felt about it at the time. It was heinous really, horribly painful and yes…. I took it deeply personally.  I couldn’t believe anyone who claimed to love me, would ever say something like that…especially to my face! I mean, couldn’t she have the common decency to keep her feelings to herself? Better yet, why wasn’t she like the other people in my life who just distanced themselves from me quietly,  and then disappeared out of my life forever leaving me to wonder why? I was used to that. What I wasn’t used to was having someone tell me to my face how they felt…to tell me their truth, no matter how ugly it sounded, no matter how I would feel or react. When I think about it now, it was a pure act of bravery on her part.

That day, that conversation changed me. It hurt so badly I could hardly breathe, but in the midst of my pain I heard something. I heard that there was a gift in this for me….and if I could hear what she was saying just beyond the blame and judgment, (my own and hers) I would find it.

Then, the gift was made apparent: She was telling me the truth….Yikes.

I am no shrinking flower. You should know that about me. I don’t take things lying down normally. If I feel scorned you will know about it, especially back in those days. So, this is what she was up against. She had to look me in the eye, knowing this conversation was probably not going to go well, and tell me anyway.  

To this day, I will always appreciate the fact that instead of giving up on me, she fought for me. She gave me the benefit of the doubt, believed I was worth it, and risked everything to tell me her truth in the face of serious backlash.

I learned that day that sometimes you have to be willing to be wrong to be ultimately happy. I could have defended my position, made her wrong, fought back just to be “right” and to feel better temporarily, but something inside me decided to yield instead, to take in what she said however clumsily articulated, and to hear the truth of it.

After many years of practicing, I am now proud to tell you I am mastering the art of being wrong! And I am a much better person for it.


To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,

Donna Gershman ALSP

PS. You can heal, and you don't have to do it alone! If you or someone you know needs support in healing any issue, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, please feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation.