My Uncle David saw an ending to his roughly 81 years on the planet last week. He was struck by a car and killed while crossing the street on his way home. He had just left the evening prayer service at his Synagogue where he served daily for most of his life. The irony of that does not get by me.
I freely admit, I did not really know much of the details of my Uncle’s daily life. I had moved far away from home when I was just 23 and missed out on a lot with my family over the years. My uncle was just 20 years older than me, the youngest of his 2 other siblings, my mother being the middle child and my other Uncle Hyman being the eldest. With David’s passing, it leaves my mother as the only surviving family member of her nuclear family.
Neither David, nor the rest of our family saw this coming. I can only describe it as a sucker punch to our collective gut. A huge cement block that made up the foundation of our family, just got kicked out from underneath us, and now we’re all feeling a bit shaky and unstable. We could not have predicted this either.
This has really hit us hard.
Uncle David was an orthodox Jew. The rest of us are varying degrees of observant, with me being the least, and by least, I mean not at all.
I was the black sheep of our family. I gave up Judaism long ago and in my late 20’s began exploring my Spirituality through a trans-denominational Spiritual Center in Los Angeles called Agape, which means Unconditional Love. I attended services weekly and ultimately studied and became licensed as a Spiritual Practitioner.
On the surface, Uncle David and I could not have been more different. I am a lesbian married to a woman who is not Jewish and every year we celebrate Christmas. In addition, I met Jesus in my 30’s, became a healer, and for 25 years now have conducted all my sessions with my clients with Jesus on hand. So, naturally when it came to my relationship with my Uncle, I kept my beliefs to myself.
A day after he passed, the funeral was held at his synagogue. Most of my family had to participate by zoom as there was a blizzard that day, and it wasn’t safe to travel. My brother and sister-in-law were also out of town visiting my mother at the time. They were the ones who delivered the news to her. I can’t help but feel that was divinely ordained. My mother is turning 92 in a few weeks. I was glad she didn’t have to get that news over the phone or be alone afterwards. God’s mercy was obvious.
So my mother sat at her kitchen table huddled with my brother and wife watching the funeral for my Uncle on a 13” laptop. I was 3000 miles away on the other coast watching at my desk, as the Rabbi began speaking about David who just 20 hours earlier had helped him facilitate the shabbat prayer service. In orthodox Judaism, you don’t drive your car on the Sabbath, which is why David was walking home when he was hit by the car.
The Rabbi began to speak and three words in, stopped. A moment later, he started again, and again he could not continue. He was overcome with grief.
Another sucker punch. After several attempts, he was able to get through it. There were no assurances made. No Spiritual takes on the situation. Just a simple assessment of the man that David was to so many who knew him.
The service lasted just an hour, one hour to sum up a man’s entire life.
A handful of people spoke, one of his elder sons, 2 grandchildren, a couple colleagues at the synagogue; one who read the heartfelt letter that my brother had written that morning about my Uncle. They ended the service with Prayers recited in Hebrew.
And in that single hour, I learned more about my Uncle than I ever knew about him in all my 60 years on the planet.
My perception of who he was was a lovable oddball of sorts, different, old-school, devout, and somewhat un-relatable for me. For instance, Uncle David kept kosher and the rest of the family didn’t, so he often missed out on family events when food was involved like family cook-outs or Thanksgiving. That was hard, but over time we learned to accept it. His choice to be religious, sometimes kept him separate from the rest of us, and that didn't feel worth the price we paid for it in the big picture.
But after that single hour, I walked away with a much fuller picture of who he really was; a holy man who spent his entire life in service to others, with little to no thought for himself, who showed his love and concern readily and consistently to everyone he knew, and even to those he didn’t know. Uncle David was the definition of selfless. We knew him as the family historian who never forgot to remind each of us when to light a yahrzeit candle for someone who had passed, who kept track of how each remote cousin was related, and called to congratulate each of us on happy occasions or check in when someone was ill. In my fragmented perception and my disappointment of not being closer to him, I neglected to appreciate the sacrifices he made daily for the sake of God.
David’s body was transported to Israel later that night and buried the next morning. He was wrapped in a shroud and laid to rest in a simple shallow grave on a hill overlooking Jerusalem. Just the way he wanted it. It was somehow befitting for a simple man with a singular intention to love everyone he met, to pray unceasingly and to be of service to God.
In a single hour, I learned everything that really mattered about my Uncle David. It’s hard to believe that your whole life can be synthesized down to an hour. But in his case, it could have been one word; Holy.
When your hour comes, what do you want people to say about you? How will people say you spent your time on earth? What will they say was important to you? What will you want people to remember or to take away from having known you?
Uncle David’s sudden passing and my new fuller understanding and appreciation for his life, has caused me to reprioritize where my attention goes. Instead of worrying, instead of trying to fix things we judge as being broken or get things or earn things, or spending time wanting things, instead of spending precious time focused in the wrong ways, maybe the best use of all of our time is simply to show up with love in every situation and every relationship despite our human perceptions.
In whatever time I have left, l am committed to being more like my Uncle David; keeping it simple and being simply about the business of love.
To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,
Donna Gershman
PS. If you need support in getting into alignment with your life purpose, releasing fear and resistance and living a life of meaning and Joy, please contact my office at (818)904-6840 or email me at youwillheal@aol.com for a free consultation. Life is short. Don't waste another minute feeling unfulfilled.
