A Single Hour

My Uncle David saw an ending to his roughly 81 years on the planet last week. He was struck by a car and killed while crossing the street on his way home.  He had just left the evening prayer service at his Synagogue where he served daily for most of his life. The irony of that does not get by me.

I freely admit, I did not really know much of the details of my Uncle’s daily life. I had moved far away from home when I was just 23 and missed out on a lot with my family over the years. My uncle was just 20 years older than me, the youngest of his 2 other siblings, my mother being the middle child and my other Uncle Hyman being the eldest. With David’s passing, it leaves my mother as the only surviving family member of her nuclear family.

Neither David, nor the rest of our family saw this coming. I can only describe it as a sucker punch to our collective gut. A huge cement block that made up the foundation of our family, just got kicked out from underneath us, and now we’re all feeling a bit shaky and unstable. We could not have predicted this either.

This has really hit us hard.

Uncle David was an orthodox Jew. The rest of us are varying degrees of observant, with me being the least, and by least, I mean not at all.

I was the black sheep of our family. I gave up Judaism long ago and in my late 20’s began exploring my Spirituality through a trans-denominational Spiritual Center in Los Angeles called Agape, which means Unconditional Love. I attended services weekly and ultimately studied and became licensed as a Spiritual Practitioner. 

On the surface, Uncle David and I could not have been more different. I am a lesbian married to a woman who is not Jewish and every year we celebrate Christmas. In addition, I met Jesus in my 30’s, became a healer, and for 25 years now have conducted all my sessions with my clients with Jesus on hand. So, naturally when it came to my relationship with my Uncle, I kept my beliefs to myself. 

A day after he passed, the funeral was held at his synagogue. Most of my family had to participate by zoom as there was a blizzard that day, and it wasn’t safe to travel. My brother and sister-in-law were also out of town visiting my mother at the time. They were the ones who delivered the news to her. I can’t help but feel that was divinely ordained. My mother is turning 92 in a few weeks. I was glad she didn’t have to get that news over the phone or be alone afterwards. God’s mercy was obvious.

So my mother sat at her kitchen table huddled with my brother and wife watching the funeral for my Uncle on a 13” laptop.  I was 3000 miles away on the other coast watching at my desk, as the Rabbi began speaking about David who just 20 hours earlier had helped him facilitate the shabbat prayer service.  In orthodox Judaism, you don’t drive your car on the Sabbath, which is why David was walking home when he was hit by the car. 

The Rabbi began to speak and three words in, stopped. A moment later, he started again, and again he could not continue. He was overcome with grief. 

Another sucker punch. After several attempts, he was able to get through it. There were no assurances made. No Spiritual takes on the situation. Just a simple assessment of the man that David was to so many who knew him. 

The service lasted just an hour, one hour to sum up a man’s entire life. 

A handful of people spoke, one of his elder sons, 2 grandchildren, a couple colleagues at the synagogue; one who read the heartfelt letter that my brother had written that morning about my Uncle. They ended the service with Prayers recited in Hebrew. 

And in that single hour, I learned more about my Uncle than I ever knew about him in all my 60 years on the planet.  

My perception of who he was was a lovable oddball of sorts, different, old-school, devout, and somewhat un-relatable for me. For instance, Uncle David kept kosher and the rest of the family didn’t, so he often missed out on family events when food was involved like family cook-outs or Thanksgiving. That was hard, but over time we learned to accept it. His choice to be religious, sometimes kept him separate from the rest of us, and that didn't feel worth the price we paid for it in the big picture.

But after that single hour, I walked away with a much fuller picture of who he really was; a holy man who spent his entire life in service to others, with little to no thought for himself, who showed his love and concern readily and consistently to everyone he knew, and even to those he didn’t know. Uncle David was the definition of selfless. We knew him as the family historian who never forgot to remind  each of us when to light a yahrzeit candle for someone who had passed, who kept track of how each remote cousin was related, and called to congratulate each of us on happy occasions or check in when someone was ill. In my fragmented perception and my disappointment of not being closer to him, I neglected to appreciate the sacrifices he made daily for the sake of God. 

David’s body was transported to Israel later that night and buried the next morning. He was wrapped in a shroud and laid to rest in a simple shallow grave on a hill overlooking Jerusalem. Just the way he wanted it. It was somehow befitting for a simple man with a singular intention to love everyone he met, to pray unceasingly and to be of service to God. 

In a single hour, I learned everything that really mattered about my Uncle David. It’s hard to believe that your whole life can be synthesized down to an hour.  But in his case, it could have been one word; Holy.

When your hour comes, what do you want people to say about you? How will people say you spent your time on earth? What will they say was important to you? What will you want people to remember or to take away from having known you?

Uncle David’s sudden passing and my new fuller understanding and appreciation for his life, has caused me to reprioritize where my attention goes. Instead of worrying, instead of trying to fix things we judge as being broken or get things or earn things, or spending time wanting things, instead of spending precious time focused in the wrong ways, maybe the best use of all of our time is simply to show up with love in every situation and every relationship despite our human perceptions. 

In whatever time I have left, l am committed to being more like my Uncle David; keeping it simple and being simply about the business of love.

To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,

Donna Gershman

PS. If you need support in getting into alignment with your life purpose, releasing fear and resistance and living a life of meaning and Joy, please contact my office at (818)904-6840 or email me at youwillheal@aol.com for a free consultation. Life is short. Don't waste another minute feeling unfulfilled.

Spiritual Relationship Hacks; How To Attract Your Perfect Partner.

I have spent most of my 55 years on the planet wondering if I would someday meet my perfect life partner, the love of my life. Actually, I didn't just wonder. I worried. I feared. I obsessed. I made vision boards. I read hundreds of relationship books. I went to therapy. I went to Practitioners. I worked on Mommy issues. I worked on Daddy issues. I went on dating sights. I dated. I moved in. They moved in. It worked. It didn't work. I loved. I lost. I let go. It hurt like hell. I recovered. And then, I rinsed and repeated over and over again.

Mostly, I have worried that I wasn't good enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I didn't have a beautiful enough body. I didn't have enough money. I wasn't successful enough. There might be something wrong with me...on and on. And I wondered why I wasn't drawing that perfect person into my life!!
I can't help but see the irony of it all now, and the humor frankly.

It was like I was wanting the Universe to present me the perfect person for me, you know, the one I had described a thousand different times in my journals, that had all those amazing qualities, all while I talked trash about me, and thought of myself as not really deserving! So apparently, I was wanting to find someone that was way better than me who would be happy with someone way less than they deserved! Are you seeing the irony yet?

Seriously, are we actually telling the Universe that we want to attract the perfect person while we secretly believe we're critically flawed? Looks like Mr. Right or Mrs. Right is headed towards the short end of the stick!!!

This is just not how it works. For you to attract that perfect person to you, you actually have to see yourself as worthy. You have to know you're a catch! You can't pretend to be one. You can't just act like you love yourself or love your own company. You have to fall in love with who you are. You have to first and foremost, fall in love with yourself. After all, when Mr. or Ms. Right walks into your life, don't they deserve the best back? So, if you're going to show up to the party, don't show up with a half a bag of broken pretzels and expect to attract a full bag to you. Truthfully, do you really want to be that person who brings a small container of hummus to the potluck and then takes home containers of leftovers?

So, here's what it comes down to. It's not that you have to become someone you're not, or someone you think others would want. It's not that you need to become someone better than you currently are. You don't need to remake yourself. You need to own who you already are. You need to know that you are perfect just as you are right now. All of your fears and worries about not being good enough; none of that is real. I know it can feel real, but did you know that it can feel real and true without it actually being real or true? We can have a fear of the dark and not actually have anything there to hurt us, right? Fear can be compelling but also a good liar.

Here's the deal. God made you perfect and God wants you to know it! Simple but not always easy. Ask yourself this: Would you want to date you? Why? Do you know, really know deep down inside that you're a catch? Because you absolutely need to know that, and if you don't, then that's your work.
Look at it this way. Do you want to attract a partner who has low self-esteem and doesn't really know who they are? I think not. Remember, I'm not talking about attracting a "Mr. or Ms. Okay, for now". I'm talking about attracting your Forever Life Partner. The key is to accept that you are a serious catch, no matter what your mind tries to tell you. No matter what you think is lacking in you or broken or missing altogether. The Reality is that you are way better than you think you are. A book that was written thousands of years ago says, "You are made from God's Image and Likeness and out of Perfection". Wow, can you imagine that? If not, that's where I would start.

I have a theory. I believe that the moment we genuinely understand and accept that about ourselves is the same moment we become available to having what we truly want. We're not really available to our good until we do. Most of the time, because of our resistance to knowing our perfection, we go through life accepting scraps and making choices that are less than what we truly deserve. But once we awake to our full throttle perfection in God, once we embrace all of who we are unconditionally, "all things are added unto us".

Fall in love with yourself and your life. Remember who made you.
I had a friend once say to me that her life was so great without a partner, that she would need to meet the Perfect person before she would consider changing her life for anyone. I thought that was a good measure for loving oneself. Love your life so much that you are discerning about whether you should change your life for someone else. Can you say that right now about you and your life? If not, become that person and you will draw more to you than you know what to do with. Your biggest problem will be fending them off.

Last year, at the age of 54, I met my forever person, and next year at the age of 56, I will be getting married for the very first time in my life. Honestly, it took me this long to accept that I was a catch. But, as soon as I did, she appeared in my life and I literally didn't have to do a single thing to make it happen. It is more than obvious to me now, that if I only knew then what I know now, and what I am sharing here with you, she might have found me sooner. But nonetheless, once you wake up to your true perfection in God, not from an "act-as-if" place or pretending, but from a genuine knowing, "all things are added unto you" and "all the time the locusts have eaten is given back to you". Truly, the only thing necessary to attracting your perfect life partner is real Self-Love.

To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,

Donna Gershman

Are you ready to go from Complacency to Conquering in your life?  Let's remove whatever road blocks have been in your way. Spiritual work is the gift that keeps on giving. With a slight shift in Consciousness, your life can change dramatically for the better. Call me for a Free Consultation at (818)904-6840 or email me at youwillheal@aol.com
For a change to happen, you must make a change....

Chasing the Hare

Mr. Gerke made a difference. He was my high school English teacher. One time, he assigned the class a creative writing project and gave us an entire month to complete it. I remember having a great idea on what I would write about, and being extremely excited to do it. But the entire month went by, and when it came time to hand it in, I didn't.

Mr. Gerke came up to me after class and without asking me why I didn't turn it in, he simply said, “Donna, I'm giving you a homework assignment. I want you to go home and write the worst paper you have ever written.” I looked at him bewildered. What did he mean by the worst paper ever? How was I going to do that? And why? Then he made me promise that no matter what, I would turn it in the next day.

So, I went home and proceeded to write what I considered to be a really, bad paper. But still, I remember having thoughts like, “What if this isn't bad enough?” “What do I have to do to make this worse?” and struggling with the assignment. The next day, I begrudgingly passed it in. Mr. Gerke took one look at it and immediately put an A+ at the top of the paper without so much as reading a single sentence. I said to him, “Wait! Aren't you even going to read it? And why are you giving me an A+ on a bad paper?”

Mr Gerke quietly turned to me and said, “Donna, what you need to realize is that your worst, is better than most people’s best. All you need to do, is just turn it in.” I could still cry when I think of that moment.

Mr. Gerke had the wisdom to know that my problem was not that I didn't want to do the work, but that I was afraid to do it. I was afraid of it not being perfect. I would have big ideas in my head, but somehow they never seemed to be as good, once executed. This led me to feel that no matter what I did, it was never as good as the actual idea and therefore always felt that my work was not good enough.

Even then, as a child, I knew I was blessed with great big ideas that were not necessarily coming from me. I knew I was being gifted with them, but with that, came a great responsibility. Somehow, I felt I was failing God by not having the final product match perfectly with the original idea. That’s why I had a problem turning in my homework. It was often more palatable for me to turn in nothing than to turn in something that didn’t rise to the vision.

Mr. Gerke, in his wisdom recognized that I had a typical perfection complex, the need to try to be perfect in everything I did. And by the way, I still do. But, his words to me, still reverberate in my head 35 years later. “Just turn it in.”

Now, when I counsel kids on the weekends who want to go to college, and their parents tell me that their child does the homework, but never turns it in, I think of Mr. Gerke, and how he made a young girl feel seen and understood for the very first time. I tell them this story. I tell them they're good enough just as they are. I tell them to turn it in, no matter what.

I still struggle with following through and completing things, but most of all, about feeling good about the things I do complete. I have come to understand, that our idea of perfection is an elusive counterpart. Like chasing the mechanical hare in a greyhound race, you will never catch up to it, and trying to, will only make you feel worse. Best thing to do is trust that the real assignment is not how good something is, but whether you turned it in at all. Did you show up? Did you say yes? Did you allow the vision to be made real through you? If yes, then you've done your part. Feel good about it.

So, run your race, write your play, sing your song.... Know you are good enough right now. The pursuit of perfection should never be the goal. It's knowing that whatever you do is perfect as it is, and you are perfect and always will be, just as you are.

To The Truth That Sets Us all Free,

Donna Gershman ALSP

Are you wanting to move forward on a dream, or to change something in your life? Do you feel stuck, and know you're in your own way? Let's move that boulder together. Feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation or 20 minute tune-UP! All sessions are conducted by telephone or Skype.

* PS. Thank you, Mr. Gerke. And, sorry for starting this sentence with AND.

                                           Mr Gerke reading my article 

The Spiritual Truth about Ugly Fighting - Part 2 (Practicing the Art of Healthy Detachment)

Picture a fiery cauldron, not the hellish, scary 'fire and brimstone' kind, but rather a beautiful blazing "furnace-like" fire designed to burn off anything that doesn't serve you. Now, picture it sitting right between you and every person you know. It is there to protect you and to absorb any negative projections that may come your way during a conversation, a disagreement, an ugly fight or even from your own negative self talk. It is your best friend. And like a best friend, it's a good idea not to forget it's there.

About 20 years ago, my partner at the time decided to break up with me by telephone. She launched into an hour long monologue in which she painstakingly described to me, one by one, all of my shameful flaws and character defects. I'm just grateful that she eventually ran out of steam or we might still be on the phone right now! There was so much anger and rage coming off of her, frankly I was surprised the phone didn't catch on fire.

But then I heard my inner voice say to me, "This isn't about you! Just give her the space to talk and be heard. Don't get in the middle of it." She proceeded to call me every name in the book, and I just listened with a sort of healthy sense of detachment, while holding a space of unconditional love for both of us. Everything vile that came out of her mouth, I imagined going into a fiery cauldron and burning off before it could ever touch me. I literally said almost nothing for a full hour as she continued her rant. I just kept hearing my inner voice say to me, "It's not about you! Be there for her right now. Be Available!"

It was an amazing experience. I never got defensive. I never attacked back. I didn't make her wrong. I just listened and didn't take any of it personally. Then suddenly she was done. There was silence on the phone for just a minute when she burst into tears. She said "Oh my God, I am so sorry!!! I have no idea where any of that came from. Oh my God, Oh my God, please forgive me!" She sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes.

Since she had the space to vent without my reacting, she was able to process what she was saying and take responsibility for it. She too realized that it wasn't about me. It was old unhealed wounds of hers that got triggered in our relationship. If I had gotten defensive and made it all about my feelings suddenly, it would have just resulted in more chaos, and misaligned thoughts being met by more misaligned thoughts. I am absolutely sure that both the conversation and relationship would have ended a completely different way had I allowed myself to get in the middle of it and been unavailable to her.

We both ended up telling eachother how much we loved each other and drawing closer than we had been for a long time. We decided to end the relationship, but we did so with mutual respect, love and appreciation. We both recognized that it had simply come to it's natural completion.

I learned a few important lessons that day. 1) Listening is healing. 2) Other people's blaming is more about them than you, but it will always present an opportunity for you to grow in compassion and to be your best self. 3) Know who you really are! Otherwise, you'll feel the need to defend against stuff that isn't even yours. It's a waste of your good time and accomplishes nothing.  

Lastly, being truly emotionally available for someone, requires you to listen without taking anything personally...to maintain a healthy detachment so there's a clear space for them to have their feelings and be heard. This is where real healing can take place.

And, if worse comes to worst...get your best friend the fiery cauldron out to protect you, so other people's projections don't bring the fire out in you. This is the one time when "fighting" fire with fire is a good thing!

To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,


Donna Gershman ALSP


PS. You can heal, and you don't have to do it alone! if you or someone you know needs support in healing any issue, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation. All sessions are conducted by telephone or Skype.

Birthing an Oak Tree

                

Contained within the acorn is an Oak Tree. What is contained within you?

Recently in a meditation, I asked myself, "Who will I be 10 years from now?" What I was shown amazed me.

I saw myself standing in a large beautiful room, leaning against my desk and having a conversation with someone. I was surely the Donna I know myself to be now, but at the same time I was very different. I was more solid, grounded, and wise. I could see the wisdom in me had grown. There was more clarity, more confidence, and I was a lot more carefree. In essence, I was a more evolved version of myself, because I had less worries, doubts and fears.

It was a vision of me I had actually never caught until that moment, and yet once I saw it, it made perfect sense to me. I know that this vision of me in 10 years, is the me I am becoming, and that the path I am on right now will indeed lead me to being her.

Sometimes, when we envision our lives in the future, we imagine our lives being different; possibly being in a completely different set of circumstances, having a different career or attaining a higher level of success. Maybe we see our relationships being more committed or happier somehow, living in a different place, having more money, more things, more comforts.

But who do you imagine yourself becoming? What qualities can you see giving rise in you? Other than external changes, what will have changed in you? Whatever the answer, this vision is the Oak Tree you're becoming, and rest assured, that Oak Tree lives in you right now.

We are here to recognize our inherent Oak Tree and allow it to be revealed, to know there is always something bigger that is seeking to emerge as us.

Believe it or not, you are always on the right path, no matter what it may look or feel like. All paths lead to the revealing of your Oak Tree, and you have been given eternity to do that. Although you may sometimes feel dissatisfied as an acorn or impatient with yourself for not being the Oak Tree yet, you the Acorn are perfect right now, and all is revealing itself in the perfect way and in the perfect time. Contrary to what you may think, you are not a late bloomer! FYI, There is nothing more painful to the acorn than impatience and self judgment.

We are all becoming an Oak Tree, which is why we're all here, why we're on whatever path we are on, and why we have growing pains. An actual acorn however, never resists becoming the Oak Tree. Although one could imagine that letting go of it's smallness to allow the bigness could be accompanied by some discomfort, the acorn knows the Oak Tree's birth is inevitable and natural.

The trick to allowing this process to unfold with as much grace as possible, is to be your own caring Midwife. Always embrace and reassure the acorn (who you are right now), while allowing the Oak Tree to be birthed as you. Have faith in your path whatever it looks like, and I mean whatever it looks like... and then you will most definitely emerge as the Oak Tree, strong, grounded, sure of who you are, and standing tall.

Don't let the current labor pains of your life distract you from the greater realization of who you really are. Keep your vision riveted on the perfection of the acorn, while acknowledging the Oak Tree you are becoming. Take it from the acorn, there's nothing to gain by being impatient or trying to rush the tree. Instead, why not cut the acorn and Oak Tree some slack...and behold the wonder, beauty and grace of it all, while admitting it takes a lot of courage to birth an Oak Tree.

To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,

Donna Gershman ALSP

PS. You can heal, and you don't have to do it alone! if you or someone you know needs support in healing any issue, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation. All sessions are conducted by telephone or Skype.

When I was 11

When I was 11 years old, I had a dream that changed my life. I heard a voice say to me, “I am going to tell you the secret to all life, and when you wake up in the morning, you will not remember what it is, and you will spend many years searching for it”

Then I remember the voice telling me what the secret was and my response to it being “Oh my God, I knew it, I knew it!!!!!” It was so simple…the kind of thing that’s right in front of your face, but you just don’t see it.

The next morning I woke up and couldn’t remember what it was, just that it was simple. The voice was right. I searched and searched for many years, and then one day, I remembered. It just sort of dawned on me as if it had been there all along; hidden in plain view. The answer was LOVE.

Several years later when I was 24, I went backpacking in Europe. One night, while at a youth Hostel in Switzerland, I was talking with a friend when the evening bell rang signaling it was time for lights out.  We weren’t the slightest bit tired so we decided to move our conversation into the ladies room, the only place available to talk. I remember our conversation getting deeper and deeper until finally she told me a story about a dream she had had when she was 11. A voice spoke to her and said “I am going to tell you the secret to all life, and when you wake up in the morning, you will not remember what it is and you will spend many years searching for it”. I bet you can guess the rest. She had had the same exact experience as me, word for word. 

I then told her of my story. We were so astonished; we sat there in silence for the rest of the night.

I never knew what to make of it all, really. Why was I given the secret? Why was she given it? How many others were?  Over the years though, I feel I may have missed the greater point, LOVE.

I ask myself now, “What did I learn from all that? How did it change my life, or has it?” I wonder if I have made real use of the information given to me. The only conclusion that I can draw, is that every issue that has ever plagued me could have been resolved a lot easier if I had really taken heed of the lesson; that Love is the secret to all life; so simple and yet so allusive.

I believe the #1 cause of most issues we deal with on a daily basis could be traced back to our inability to truly appreciate ourselves on every level of our being; to accept ourselves completely without judgment and to genuinely love ourselves as we are, right now….not after we figure it all out or become our ultimate vision of ourselves. If the answer to all life is Love, then most of our human problems are due to the lack of it! Not from the outer world, but from own our inner one.

Ironically, if you ask someone if they love themselves, they will probably say “yes”. Then ask them if they are happy with who they are, with the way their lives look, with the choices they have made. Ask them how much time they take for themselves, or whether they are eating healthy foods, taking care of their bodies, and spending ample time to rest and rejuvenate. Are they expressing their feelings in a healing way? Are they following their passion? Do they trust themselves? The answers to these questions are illuminating as to whether someone actually loves themselves or if they just “think” they do.

If I’m honest with myself, I’m sure I love my dog, better than me. I can’t look at him without smiling. I love being with him, never get bored with him or even mad at him. If he ever does something I don’t like, I forgive him easily. I always see the best in him, and would go to the ends of the earth for him. I love him unconditionally, and yet I’m still trying to figure out how to love ME that well.

Just for a moment, bring to mind someone you really love. It could be a family member, a spouse, a friend, a teacher, a beloved pet, anyone at all. Now, feel the feelings of love you have for them. Feel how strong they are. Feel the gratitude you have for knowing them, for being in their lives. Feel how good it feels, just to Love. That energy you are feeling is healing. It can heal anything within you and it can heal others. Now ask yourself, “Is this the energy you feel toward yourself?” Do you feel this same kind of love, gratitude, and appreciation for yourself? Do you feel the same desire to be there for yourself no matter what, and to support yourself the same way you would for someone you love?

The secret to all life is Love, and yet at best, most of us are practicing “conditional loving”. Sometimes, we find reasons why it’s ok to love ourselves, and other times we find reasons why it’s not, and we do the same with other people. They have to earn our Love. We have to decide we like them first, trust them and understand them, before we feel it’s safe to love them. We love them "conditionally".

With ourselves, we have to be perfect, make perfect choices, look perfect, have our life look perfect, get treated perfectly by everyone else, etc…and then we’ll love ourselves "conditionally", until something falls out of place and we withhold our love again.

Take that Love energy that you feel for others, and direct some towards yourself right now, unconditionally, and you will begin to heal yourself, your life and be able to truly love those around you. 

Imagine a world, where we all loved ourselves and each other, without reason and just because.

I believe this is the First and Final Frontier for us all; what we have been charged with, and what we are here to learn.

The answer to all life, is LOVE, and the Love within you, is enough to change the world.

To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,

Donna Gershman, ALSP

PS. You can heal, and you don't have to do it alone! If you or someone you know needs support in healing any issue, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, please feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation.