Chasing the Hare

Mr. Gerke made a difference. He was my high school English teacher. One time, he assigned the class a creative writing project and gave us an entire month to complete it. I remember having a great idea on what I would write about, and being extremely excited to do it. But the entire month went by, and when it came time to hand it in, I didn't.

Mr. Gerke came up to me after class and without asking me why I didn't turn it in, he simply said, “Donna, I'm giving you a homework assignment. I want you to go home and write the worst paper you have ever written.” I looked at him bewildered. What did he mean by the worst paper ever? How was I going to do that? And why? Then he made me promise that no matter what, I would turn it in the next day.

So, I went home and proceeded to write what I considered to be a really, bad paper. But still, I remember having thoughts like, “What if this isn't bad enough?” “What do I have to do to make this worse?” and struggling with the assignment. The next day, I begrudgingly passed it in. Mr. Gerke took one look at it and immediately put an A+ at the top of the paper without so much as reading a single sentence. I said to him, “Wait! Aren't you even going to read it? And why are you giving me an A+ on a bad paper?”

Mr Gerke quietly turned to me and said, “Donna, what you need to realize is that your worst, is better than most people’s best. All you need to do, is just turn it in.” I could still cry when I think of that moment.

Mr. Gerke had the wisdom to know that my problem was not that I didn't want to do the work, but that I was afraid to do it. I was afraid of it not being perfect. I would have big ideas in my head, but somehow they never seemed to be as good, once executed. This led me to feel that no matter what I did, it was never as good as the actual idea and therefore always felt that my work was not good enough.

Even then, as a child, I knew I was blessed with great big ideas that were not necessarily coming from me. I knew I was being gifted with them, but with that, came a great responsibility. Somehow, I felt I was failing God by not having the final product match perfectly with the original idea. That’s why I had a problem turning in my homework. It was often more palatable for me to turn in nothing than to turn in something that didn’t rise to the vision.

Mr. Gerke, in his wisdom recognized that I had a typical perfection complex, the need to try to be perfect in everything I did. And by the way, I still do. But, his words to me, still reverberate in my head 35 years later. “Just turn it in.”

Now, when I counsel kids on the weekends who want to go to college, and their parents tell me that their child does the homework, but never turns it in, I think of Mr. Gerke, and how he made a young girl feel seen and understood for the very first time. I tell them this story. I tell them they're good enough just as they are. I tell them to turn it in, no matter what.

I still struggle with following through and completing things, but most of all, about feeling good about the things I do complete. I have come to understand, that our idea of perfection is an elusive counterpart. Like chasing the mechanical hare in a greyhound race, you will never catch up to it, and trying to, will only make you feel worse. Best thing to do is trust that the real assignment is not how good something is, but whether you turned it in at all. Did you show up? Did you say yes? Did you allow the vision to be made real through you? If yes, then you've done your part. Feel good about it.

So, run your race, write your play, sing your song.... Know you are good enough right now. The pursuit of perfection should never be the goal. It's knowing that whatever you do is perfect as it is, and you are perfect and always will be, just as you are.

To The Truth That Sets Us all Free,

Donna Gershman ALSP

Are you wanting to move forward on a dream, or to change something in your life? Do you feel stuck, and know you're in your own way? Let's move that boulder together. Feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation or 20 minute tune-UP! All sessions are conducted by telephone or Skype.

* PS. Thank you, Mr. Gerke. And, sorry for starting this sentence with AND.

                                           Mr Gerke reading my article