Twenty-five years ago, a friend of mine sat me down on a curb and said the ugliest thing
she could ever possibly say to me. At least, that’s how I felt about it at the
time. It was heinous really, horribly painful and yes….
I took it deeply personally. I couldn’t
believe anyone who claimed to love me, would ever say something like that…especially
to my face! I mean, couldn’t she have the common decency to keep her feelings to herself? Better yet, why wasn’t she like the other people in my
life who just distanced themselves from me quietly, and then disappeared out of my life forever leaving
me to wonder why? I was used to that. What I wasn’t used to was having someone
tell me to my face how they felt…to tell me their truth, no matter how ugly it
sounded, no matter how I would feel or react. When I think about it now, it was
a pure act of bravery on her part.
That day,
that conversation changed me. It hurt so badly I could hardly breathe, but in the
midst of my pain I heard something. I heard that there was a gift in this for
me….and if I could hear what she was saying just beyond the blame and judgment,
(my own and hers) I would find it.
Then, the
gift was made apparent: She was telling me the truth….Yikes.
I am no
shrinking flower. You should know that about me. I don’t take things lying down
normally. If I feel scorned you will know about it, especially back in those
days. So, this is what she was up against. She had to look me in the eye,
knowing this conversation was probably not going to go well, and tell me anyway.
To this day,
I will always appreciate the fact that instead of giving up on me, she fought
for me. She gave me the benefit of the doubt, believed I was worth it, and
risked everything to tell me her truth in the face of serious backlash.
I learned
that day that sometimes you have to be willing to be wrong to be ultimately happy.
I could have defended my position, made her wrong, fought back just to be “right”
and to feel better temporarily, but something inside me decided to yield instead,
to take in what she said however clumsily articulated, and to hear the truth of
it.
After many
years of practicing, I am now proud to tell you I am mastering the art of
being wrong! And I am a much better person for it.
To The Truth That Sets Us All Free,
Donna Gershman ALSP
PS. You can heal, and you don't have to do it alone! If you or someone you know needs support in healing any issue, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, please feel free to email me at youwillheal@aol.com, or contact my office at (818)904-6840 for a free telephone consultation.
1 comment:
Dear Donna, Thank you for sharing this painful situation and telling us of your first feelings, reaction and inner truth: willing to be "wrong." I know what you mean althoughI am not sure the truth has come to me in such a harsh way. Yes, harsh words, in which I had to go inside and feel, " is that me or his/her filters? "
It's an important understanding because in my disire not to blame, to be objective, to listen with depth, to want approval, I can find myself saying, "yes, I am that "horrible" thing in order to be spirtually "wise." At this point, I do go within, and trust my intution; I have found it to be a powerful"angel" in which the truth is made clear to me even if it hurts. Should I keep this person in my life or is he or she causing me to doubt my truth and spontaniety? However, I have recently experienced extremely harsh words that Iknow are not true (they are exagerations of one who I know needs to project these "dangerous" words onto me for the sake of their not dealing with THEIR truth , which involves a chld in the family. Even a therapist said ( before he knew the details) said to me, "Stay away from your family. They will bring you down into that dark place, reminiscent of your childhood. If you feel you need to be there for Thanksgivng, etc., attend, but when you feel and hear those toxic words and energy, say something like, "it was good to see you, but I must leave because..." Well, I do not go there at all and they have closed the door with the cruelist words you can imagine. In my case, the words are not true, it is just so painful for them face the truth of what we have all seen, regarding this child and the lack of protection. . With all of this understanding..I still experience great pain in knowing my sisters, who I have been so close to inthe past, are as far away as Russia (metaphorically speaking)and they will not be at my funeral nor I, theirs . I won't even know when they will make their way to the next plane of existence. Will I see them there? Do we see just those they love? They surely do not have those feelings toward me.So, I remake my place on earth as I I will in heaven (as far as I know. Thank you for reading this.
Post a Comment